Remember choose your own adventure? Join Horror My Friend as they play (and sadly lose) the game with Happy

Adelaide trio Horror My Friend are touring on the back of their brilliant debut album Stay In, Do Nothing. Rather than do the same old interview, we decided to play a fun ‘choose your own adventure’ style game with the band. We proudly present, The Horror of Horror My Friend: The Curse of Blackwire Records.

stay in, do nothing
Photo by Liam Cameron

HAPPY: Alright gentlemen, so I spent an hour when I was supposed to be working making up this ridiculous game. I hope you dig it, so let’s jump in! And if you get through alive you’ll win some very special prizes. I will set the scenario, and you guys pick the adventure and play yourselves in the story. There about 12 different endings.

funny happy interview
The decision tree for The Horror of Horror My Friend

JOSH: This is already the best interview we’ve ever done.

SAM: Oh, I wanted to play Josh, but I’ll settle with myself.

HAPPY: Here it is; The band have just rocked up to the gig and want a drink. The sketchy looking bar keep pulls three beers, but one of them is actually a potion that will transform the drinker into a werewolf.

A die is rolled and Tom is picked as the unfortunate victim

Tom, you’ve gotten the very shifty drink and will soon begin undergoing a harrowing transformation.

TOM: Is it pingas? 

HAPPY: What do you do? Go to the hospital, or try find the antidote behind the bar after the barmen runs away?

JOSH: Hospital.

SAM: That’s easy, bar (laughs). We have to find the antidote.

TOM: Antidote.

SAM: On the off chance you die, well, that’s the risk we take.

TOM: Well if I die we can hopefully get big from that, you know? Like when someone dies then they become a classic band…

JOSH: Option C, we do nothing (laughs).

SAM: It would be way more fun looking behind the bar for an antidote.

JOSH: And what if the hospital aren’t able to cure you?

SAM: We’re better off finding the antidote for you.

TOM: What is even happening to me?

HAPPY: You might be transforming into something very soon.

TOM: Antidote. Let’s find the antidote.

HAPPY: The barman has dashed behind a secret door behind the bar, and you follow in the hopes of finding the antidote. Suddenly you find that where he escaped is a secret room that leads into a basement. Do you  go in or go back?

JOSH: Basement.

SAM: Basement.

TOM: Basement.

HAPPY: Good, because if you didn’t you would have died. You continue down the tunnel until you reach a fork in the road. On the left you hear the maniacal laughter of the bartender. On the right you hear the shrieks of a woman. Which path do you take?

SAM: Oooohh, shriek.

JOSH: Tom’s in danger, we don’t have time to save other people.

SAM: They’re both kinda curious.

TOM: The laughter? Because we’re funny guys?

JOSH: We should help people out, we’re nice polite boys. We should help this person out.

SAM: Wait, how do we know they’re shrieking from danger?

JOSH: It could be she slipped on her way back from the bathroom.

SAM: It could be a trap.

TOM: It’s definitely a trap.

JOSH: It’s a trap.

SAM: Nah let’s do it, shrieking woman!

Horror My Friend Interview 2

HAPPY: Despite Tom’s worsening condition you choose to come to the aid of this mysterious damsel.

TOM: Well, Sam’s always keen (laughs).

HAPPY: Emerging from the tunnel you find yourselves in a forest. You see a young woman being attacked by a werewolf. Do you help or flee?

JOSH: Help.

TOM: Help.

SAM: (long pause) Ahhhh, I guess it’s help then (laughs). Well it’s three on one…

TOM: I’m the one dying and I want to help her.

SAM: No, no I’ll help! I’m sure there’s a big stick around here somewhere.

HAPPY: You have an option of weapons now; bats with silver nails stuck in them or silver axes.

ALL: Axe!

TOM: What would you do with a bat?

SAM: Yeah, but silver is really deadly to a werewolf.

TOM: Then axes would be even more effective. How long is the bat?

SAM: Oh sorry, sorry! I was thinking like bats! Like the flying bats, and you’d whisper in the ear “Go over there” and they’d stick the nails in our enemies.

JOSH: Yeah I thought you meant we were putting nails into this poor creature.

HAPPY: You attack with axes and slay the beast. Well done.

SAM: But Tom is still dying.

TOM: But at least my final act is to save someone else.

HAPPY: But you just killed what you will become. The maiden thanks you, and after hearing your predicament offers to lead you to a haunted house to find answers. Do you follow?

JOSH: Wait, what was she doing there in the first place? This feels like another trap.

TOM: Let’s do it. Just do it.

SAM: Well it would be a bit weird if she wants to repay you for saving her life and you’re like “Nah, we’ll just hang out here for a bit“.

TOM: While I’m dying. Let’s go over.

HAPPY: Oh man…

TOM: What? We died didn’t we?

HAPPY: As you reach the house a van pulls up and men in suits chuck you in. You’ve been kidnapped.

ALL: Groans.

HAPPY: You’ve been taken to the hospital…

SAM: (laughs) we should’ve just taken option C!

TOM:We’ve gone back around! Fuck!

HAPPY: You don’t know if they’re friend or foe. Maybe they’re trying to help you.

TOM: Are these guys just taking me to fight other werewolves and shit, because I don’t think I’m in any state to make those decisions.

HAPPY: The van stops and you get out. Do you run, or gamble on it in the hope they’re actually here to save you.

JOSH: Run.

SAM: Run.

TOM: Run.

HAPPY:You fucken leg it away from the suits. You turn a corner and meet an old man. He offers to help cure Tom. Do you accept?

JOSH: Yeah, I mean what to do we got to loose at this point?

SAM: Alright let’s do it.

HAPPY: You walk into his secret lab and he declares he will use his machine to strip Tom of his werewolf powers by strapping him to a machine. Do you agree to the procedure?

SAM: Yeah, coz he’s quietly dying anyway. It’s been hilarious.

TOM: It’s what I’ve been waiting for my whole life, to be strapped to a machine by a stranger.

SAM: By a random old man?

TOM: Yeah it’s my dream.

blackwire recirds
Photo by Liam Cameron

HAPPY:  The experiment begins, and the old man declares he’s stealing Tom’s powers for himself! Who knows what he will do with them? Will you allow it to continue?

SAM: So he’s taking all of Tom’s werewolf powers?

TOM: YES, let him do it.

SAM: And we still have the axe.

HAPPY: Actually you don’t.

JOSH: Nah we still have them, we decided to keep them since they were pretty handy last time (laughs).

SAM: (laughs) yeah we’re just changing the story!

TOM: Let him do it, let him have it!

JOSH: Wait, does Tom die from the experiment?

HAPPY: You all die. He takes the powers, becomes a werewolf and kills you all in the confusion.

ALL: (groans)

HAPPY: I will allow you one rewind if you choose to take it.

SAM: So we say no and stop the experiment.

TOM: Man fuck that guy, he was supposed to help me!

HAPPY: Unfortunately, Tom turns into a werewolf. Can you give me your best werewolf impression?

TOM: Ahhughhh. That’s all I’ve got (laughs).

JOSH: He’s a really depressed werewolf.

TOM: I’m just a little annoyed that this has happened.

SAM: You can be like that film with Rhys Darby in it, What We Do In The Shadows, “We’re werewolves, not swear-wolves!

HAPPY: Tom has now killed the scientist. Josh, Sam, do you want to kill Tom now and protect the world from his wolf-ness, or will you keep him as a pet? Like Shaun of the Dead!

SAM: Yeah, yeah that sounds good. As long as he can still play Play Station.

TOM: Wait who’s house am I staying at? Do you take me for walks?

JOSH: Is he a wolf forever or just a regular werewolf?

HAPPY: He’s a regular, three night a month werewolf.

JOSH: Oh that’s okay. We can keep him then.

HAPPY: Bear in mind he’s a werewolf right now and has no memory of you.

JOSH: Nah we’ll keep him, he’s alright.

SAM: Yeah let’s keep him.

HAPPY: He kills you both.

ALL: (laughs)

HAPPY: And Tom lives on as a werewolf.

TOM: Yes I win!

HAPPY: You live out your days with the guilt that you’ve murdered your band mates. And so concludes The Horror of Horror My Friend: The Curse of Blackwire Records

SAM: I have to say, this whole experience has changed my relationship with you Tom. Now that this fictional story has come to life.

JOSH: Yeah, we chose to save you and you killed us!

TOM: Well I was driven insane, I probably necked myself later.

SAM: Will you change your musical direction after this?

TOM: Yeah the band will become this place where I can express my PTSD. I’m just going to watch Prisoner of Azkaban over and over again.