Imagine for a second that Laurie Daley, having been shown the Kony 2012 video by Greg Bird on the trip down from Coffs Harbour decided to quit his head coach post with immediate effect in order to travel to Uganda to find that nefarious child soldier-using warlord. In his stead the NSWRO board, having been shown our Cricket World Cup list by Greg Bird over a pre-match luncheon, have decided to appoint us as his replacement on the sole proviso we do nothing else but make a mixtape and a presentation for the team to be shown in the sheds just before they walk out. Just give it a try, it’s not that hard.
The State of Origin decider is upon us, and NSW need all the help they can get. So here are 6 tracks to fire up the Blues so they can thump those cane toads.
Business Time – Flight of the Conchords
Let’s start off with a bit of a tee hee hee and a ho ho ho to relieve some tension. You know, not everything about mental preparation is all focus and intensity and all that cliche psychological fluff. But then, you’ve gotta put your mind back on the task and pull up those socks: That’s right lads, it’s Wednesday! And it’s time for business.
You’re the Best – Joe Esposito
Listen boys, time to put them serious hats on. All you have to do is believe in yourself, and you can achieve your dreams! As my mate Joey Joe Joe sings, “Nothing’s ever gonna keep you down”. Except maybe a stray Queensland elbow to the face. Word of warning though fellas, this song contains the line “Fight ‘til you drop”. Unfortunately, word’s come from up on high saying some Victorians have seen this circus and don’t like the biff, the argie-bargie, the handbags, the to-and-fro, a bit of slap. Do you know what I mean? We’d love to play you Bring Back the Biff, but it’ll rile up you fellas too much.
Working Class Man – Jimmy Barnes
You know this is almost the life story of rugby league lads? This game is the game for the working class; for all those blokes down in the mines, and all those lasses cleaning them pint glasses, and especially for all the people who shovel shit for a living. This tune is a bloody belter, truth be told, and it gets the blood boiling. References to working in a steel mill, chasing the woman of your dreams, and uh, fighting in Vietnam, make this ditty more universal than a Jamiroquai song.
Bodies – Drowning Pool
This is an absolute banger. If you’re fourteen, that is. Rather fortunately, this overlaps with a game that features cheerleaders, wall-to-wall gambling and drinking ads, rampant tabloid headlines, meaningless tribal tattoos and – how could you forget? – players, at their worst, biting girls’ legs in nightclubs and weeing into their own mouths. Nah, I don’t meant that, I’m just ribbing ya! I’ve never played league, but I imagine a mad part of your mental preparation is visualising yourself levelling the opposition. So, this song fits in pretty perfectly lyrically. Also the repetition that the lads down at Drowning Pool managed to squeeze out of these lines, points to the amount of tackling you boys in blue will have to do.”
Run to You – Bryan Adams
Forget the amorous – that means love, fellas – undertones of this absolute classic. You’re not going to go up and kiss the dirty Queenslanders tonight. Yes, you might grab them by the scrotums, a squirrel grip you call it, but we’re not here to play nice. The core message of this song I want you fellas to take on board is that you’re gonna run at them, and run at them hard, as if you actually were in love with them. Remember though, you’re not actually in love with them. It’s ok if you are, whatever, but just get the running and smashing into them bit into your heads. Run all night.
17 Girls in a Row – Steel Panther
Eight years in a row lads. That’s how long those grubs had it. We won it last year. That’s one. Do you know what two eights and one is? Seventeen lads. That’s a long bloody time. And this clown here claims he’s had that many girls, in a row. Can you believe that? I can. You know why? Dreams are possible. This fella right here said he kept his erection the whole time. And you know what? So will you fellas. You’re gonna stand proud and tall all night tonight. Now go out there, and fuck them!