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Yeah, so it turns out shoeys are really bad for you

Somewhere along the line, shoeys became a thing. I’m not sure how or why… but it happened.

Every gig, every party, every music festival: bloody shoeys. It’s a vile act, and all who participate should be reprimanded for their unsanitary actions. Call me un-Australian… I don’t care.

A new study has uncovered that drinking from your shoe is really, really bad for you. So stop doing it, ya pillocks!

Now, in possibly the most unsurprising news of the year, it has been uncovered that shoeys are really fuckin’ bad for you.

In a new study conducted by Western Sydney University’s School of Medicine Gastroenterology Laboratory, it has been revealed that drinking out of a shoe can cause pneumonia, diarrhoea, food poisoning, vomiting, nausea and septicaemia (which is a blood infection).

Well shit on me. Would you believe it?

If you do still feel the urge to utilize your footwear as a vessel for booze, the best bet is to drink straight vodka. Vodka will all but eradicate the bacteria in your shoe.

Conversely, champagne/sparkling wine actually encourages the growth of bacteria… so steer clear of that stuff, whatever you do.

Based upon the data we’ve been able to obtain, certainly you can get some bacteria that can survive into the stomach — alive — after being immersed for one minute in sparkling wine,” says the study’s leader Dr. Vincent Ho.

Maybe it’s time retire to the whole act, hey?

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August 1, 2018