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PREMIERE: Froth for Violent Soho? Save some of that for Blonde On Blonde

Blonde on Blonde new song

This article is to premiere a track by a band called Blonde on Blonde called Night On My Mind. That is what I’ve been directed to do. But with the wonderful flexibility and duality of the written word I’ve allocated myself another purpose to this article which is to also inform. A premiere and public service announcement hybrid if you will. What I’m informing you, oh loyal Happy reader, is that under no circumstances should you financially support this band.

Blonde On Blonde Night

Perhaps one of the most underrated indie rock bands around, Blonde On Blonde are overdue for some love. Get on the bandwagon with their latest Night On My Mind.

Less a band and more a motley crew of criminals, perverts and whatever the shit you call people that troll animals for their own amusements, Blonde On Blonde have been fooling everyone with their unique time-shifting blend of retro and modern rock since way back when Hungry Kids of Hungry were a thing and not just an embarrassing reminder of how cutesy we let our Indie music get. Their aliases are Jack (guitars and lead vocals), Duckboi (plays guitar), Johnny (plays drums) and Zara (plays Johnny and not much else) and collectively they are the worst people I’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of encountering in my life.

So what does this track sound like? Well it sounds like their other stuff does. Please don’t confuse that as a diss because it’s most likely the only nice thing I’m going to say in this piece. Through the aesthetic and sonic changes that the music scene has made over the last few years, Blondes have stuck to their guns, done what they love and made some killer music as a result. Never one to concede to anything, be it a musical trend or an arresting officer, these guys have an agenda and it’s to play solid rock music.

Night On My Mind is a great example of this. Baring that in mind these are horrible people that should NOT be supported. In fact stop now. Close this tab. You could be doing absolutely ANYTHING ELSE than entertaining the thought of supporting these vagrants. I even will go as far as to say you would be better serving society if you went out and committed a crime. Go and push an old lady down the stairs or commit a big online charity scam where you pretend to be collecting for blind midget orphans. Anything at all would be better than supporting this band because whatever money you give to them will be put to use for something inconceivably worse than anything you or I could come up with.

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/218441827?secret_token=s-dmh6T” params=”auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&visual=true” width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

This is a band that was kicked out of Berlin as a result of them threatening to bomb Berlin airport customs for not letting Zara and Johnny’s cat into the country due to the fact that it was in fact named after a German general (a 1939-1945 one, not an Angela Merkel one). Later it was discovered that Johnny was trying to smuggle a kilo of heroin in poor Goebbles and Duckboi’s resulting withdrawals caused great friction amongst the group. Once removed from Berlin they hid in London but were kicked out of the UK after just a few months but were court ordered to return to Australia by boat “Like the convict scum you are.”

Exactly what they did is still remains a mystery but rumour has it that a few tabs of acid, a few bare arse cheeks and the Queen’s guards were involved. This is a band whose hobbies include cross dressing, stalking Glen Richards, chasing native animals with a super soaker full of coloured dye and crying. This is a band that has had two managers quit in tears and a third found “Whitney Houston’d” in a hotel bathtub while on tour under suspicious circumstances.

Despite their continuous obnoxious behaviour this is also a great band. A great band that Australia just hasn’t seemed to have “gotten”. They’ve toured the States, they’ve toured Europe, they’ve supported Tame Impala amongst others and yet a lot of the music loving public don’t know who they are. America and Europe got them but they couldn’t afford to stay. With Queens of the Stone Age selling out tours in minutes and Australia going batshit crazy every time Jack White farts on Vinyl every record store day, I simply don’t understand why these guys aren’t getting the love. Chances are if you like those two you’d love Blondes and yet I feel maybe most of them don’t know that. Yet.

Night On My Mind is a great bite sized portion of pop-rock with a great unique Blonde On Blonde flavour to it. They craft unique guitar tones, have a great Male/Female vocal combo and have a blistering live show. The only thing I can hold onto is timing. This game is a cruel mistress and I like to use Violent Soho as a shining beacon of optimism. They kept to their guns for years before they blew up and I can see the same trajectory for Blondes. That is unless they don’t kill themselves or someone else before hand. Listen to Night On My Mind. Enjoy it if it coaxes you to do so. But just remember. Under no circumstances give these people money*. Thanks for your time.

Ed: Feel free however to throw a few pennies at this writer who’s living on canned beans and 2 day old bread trying to make it through a law degree and six unpaid internships.

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August 9, 2015