10 dirty pick up lines that’ll spice up any convo

Be sure to make your mark (for better or for worse) with this list of top ten dirty pick up lines. You’re welcome.

Pick up lines can be the difference between meeting a newfound love or slapping someone squarely across the face, but for all their divisiveness, pick up lines have remained a throughline for any memorable night on the town. Often, those dolling out dirty pick up lines need to tread carefully between overly sentimental and downright explicit, a tightrope walk that more often than not ends in freefall (and a faceful of thrown vodka).

While there’s certainly a time and place for sweet lines about someone’s smile or a play on the words ‘hot’ (ie, “is there a heater on in here?”), perhaps the most dirty pick up lines to say to a guy or gal are those which skip the BS. If you’re really looking to make a mark, the risk-versus-reward of a dirty pick up line might be your best bet at landing a potential suitor, aligning with the age-old proverb that well-behaved people seldom make history. 

pick up lines
Credit: Universal Pictures

That’s why we’ve compiled a list of pick up lines so dirty, you’ll need to wash your mouth out with soap. Ranging from NSFW puns to more straightforward requests, here are some of the spiciest pick up lines for your use (and probable misuse) on a would-be bae.

1. There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207

Who doesn’t love the holy matrimony of cheap erection jokes and human anatomy. Unless they’re well-versed in osteology, the recipient of this pickup line is probably going to learn something too, which is always a bone-us (sorry).

2. I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight

This one is of course dependent on the systems of measurement used by the pick up line recipient, but even those under the metric system will appreciate the double entendre of a few more inches. Plus, the ongoing La Niña weather pattern makes this contextually relevant.

3. Do you support veganism? I have a sausage that is safe to eat

Being across someone’s dietary requirements is paramount in any relationship. Check what’s on someone’s dinner plate, and apply this dirty pick up line accordingly. 

4. If I were you, I’d have sex with me

There’s very little ambiguity to this one, which is part of its pick up lines dirty charm. Cut out the middleman without the frills of any puns or cheesy wordplay.

5. I may not go down in history, but I will go down on you

Self-deprecating humour can be a powerful aphrodisiac when it comes to dirty pick up lines for him and dirty pick up lines for her too. Show them you’re humble and keen with this cheeky pick up line.

6. How do you want your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilised?

This one veers into gross-out territory, but it remains one of the classics. Plus, if a way to someone’s heart is through their stomach, why not mention a delicious breakfast meal?

7. Twinkle twinkle little star, let’s have sex inside my car

For all the horny musicians out there, give them a taste of your vocal chops with this twist on a children’s lullaby. Come to think of it, what did the little star ever do to deserve being desecrated like this?

8. Kissing burns 2 calories per minute. We could workout sometime

Gym friends will perk up at the mere mention of calories. Plus, there needs to be some way to work off the seven beers you downed moments before using this pick up line. 

Credit: Columbia Pictures/Everett Collection

9. Let’s do an Australian kiss. It’s like a French kiss, but Down Under

Again, context is everything, and there’s nothing more Australian than completely botching an otherwise-sweet act of love. Show them your patriotism with a kiss Down Under.

10. F*ck me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you Betty White?

This one works in two ways, complimenting the receiver with a comparison to Betty White (we stan), and setting them up for an inevitable reply in the negative. This one won’t work if you’re actually talking to Betty White, in which case you should ditch the dirty talk altogether.