Interviews

Chatting BBQ politics and netball injuries with Philadelphia Grand Jury

After a few years on the DL beloved three-piece Philadelphia Grand Jury are back on the scene with their cool new album Summer of Doom. Ahead of their national tour, Berkfinger, MC Bad Genius and Dan W Sweat braved the dismal Sydney weather to pit their wits against each other in a very serious game.

Philadelphia Grand Jury  Summer of Doom

Photos by Liam Cameron

HAPPY: Hey guys, thanks for coming out to hang this arvo. Since you guys are kicking off the Summer of Doom tour let’s play a summer themed game.

DAN W SWEAT: A competition against you or against each other?

HAPPY: Against each other.

BERKFINGER: It’s a competition amongst us.

DAN W SWEAT: It’s like a game show.

BERKFINGER: And you’re the host. Is the prize an Audi?

HAPPY: Something better. Much, much better.

MC BAD GENIUS: Do we have buzzers?

BERKFINGER: HONK! Mine works.

HAPPY: Okay let’s get into the Summer game! First off, what’s better? Pool party or beach party?

DAN W SWEAT: Beach party is free, pool party you have to find someone with a pool. That’s all I’d say about that.

MC BAD GENIUS: Beach party for sure!

BERKFINGER: HONK! Pool party, because my bed is near by, and I don’t really like leaving the house.

HAPPY: I feel Berkfinger got it that time. Round 2, cold beer or cold lemonade?

MC BAD GENIUS: Cold lemonade. I’m in on that because if I have beer, things don’t end up very nice at all. I’m not allowed beer.

DAN W SWEAT: Children get punched.

MC BAD GENIUS: People get hurt, it’s not pretty.

BERKFINGER: I’d like to retract that statement, you can’t talk about that kind of stuff.

DAN W SWEAT: It’s an ongoing legal enquiry.

MC BAD GENIUS: Fine, I choose cold lemonade because it tastes nice.

BERKFINGER: BEE­BOO! Cold beer for sure, and twice daily.

DAN W SWEAT: DING DING! Cold beers, in the evenings. The intoxicating factor gives me an increased sense of self­worth (laughs).

BERKFINGER: Plus it has less sugar.

HAPPY: Ahhh, there are health benefits too.

BERKFINGER: Yes there is (laughs). Plus if I have beer I don’t have to eat as much. So I can watch my weight right? Who’s keeping track of these points?

DAN W SWEAT: I am, I’ll start writing them down on my phone.

Philadelphia Grand Jury Dan W Sweats

HAPPY: Summer sports, cricket or basketball?

DAN W SWEAT: DING DING! Cricket is better for watching, coz it just goes on a lot and you can chat to a friend. Basketball is very hectic and you can’t chat.

BERKFINGER: WEE­HOO! I think cricket is the worst sport ever. It takes forever which drives me insane and I’m terrible at it. The one season I played cricket when I was 11 I neither battered nor bowled. I was put on the edge of the field, behind the wicket keeper. Whatever that position is.

DAN W SWEAT: That’s not a position.

HAPPY: That’s called Back-­Stop.

BERKFINGER: Really? Well I was on the boundary right behind him.

DAN W SWEAT: All cricket positions sound like sexual innuendos. Fine leg. Square backwards bare leg. Cover point.

MC BAD GENIUS: DING DING. I’m going to go cricket as well, because the worst sporting injury I’ve had is from basketball.

HAPPY: What kind of injury?

MC BAD GENIUS: I’d rather not talk about it.

BERKFINGER: Bad Genius is an excellent power forward.

MC BAD GENIUS: Not anymore.

DAN W SWEAT: Bad Genius and I play mixed netball occasionally.

MC BAD GENIUS: For reals, and our team uniforms are outrageously tights.

BERKFINGER: Now that’s a summer sport.

MC BAD GENIUS: Yeah, basketball and cricket, forget that. Netball!

HAPPY: Man, netball is the most aggressive non­-contact sport.

MC BAD GENIUS: Yeah, look at my arm. I’ve got scratches all over.

DAN W SWEAT: I rolled my ankle three weeks ago.

HAPPY: Pivoting?

DAN W SWEAT: It wasn’t a netball manoeuvre, I just landed on a metal rail, after trying to dunk (laughs).

MC BAD GENIUS: He doesn’t quite get the rules yet, but he’s getting there.

BERKFINGER: He keeps tackling people (laughs).

HAPPY: Alrighty, fishing or camping?

MC BAD GENIUS: BAAP! I’m gonna get in first here, fishing is the biggest waste of time. Camping is fine, fishing can suck a dick (laughs).

BERKFINGER: DING DING! I hate fishing, it takes too long, it’s smelly. And I hate camping because you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. Absolutely hate it. I hate being dirty, I hate being uncomfortable. I hate both of them, I can’t answer.

DAN W SWEAT: DING DING, I like camping if there’s an end point. Like for a hike or a festival or something. Nothing bores me more than camping in isolation for no effort. And I agree about fishing. It smells, it’s kinda cruel…

BERKFINGER: And we’re running out of fish.

DAN W SWEAT: Really?

BERKFINGER: Yes, the world is running out of fish and it’s a problem.

HAPPY: Well that was a trick question, they both suck so Berkfinger gets the points. Okay next round, bikini or mankini?

MC BAD GENIUS: I feel there’s no right answer to this. If we say bikini then we’re all sleaze bags, but mankini’s are pretty gross.

DAN W SWEAT: And also you’d still be a sleaze bag, so I’ll go bikini.

BERKFINGER: I’d say whatever works.

DAN W SWEAT: It’s occasion specific for you.

Philadelphia Grand Jury

HAPPY: I like that view, but I think Dan get’s the points. This one is a three way answer, Maxibon, Cornetto or Golden Gaytime?

BERKFINGER: Golden

DAN W SWEAT: Gay

MC BAD GENIUS: Maxibon

BERKFINGER: Because

DAN W SWEAT: They

MC BAD GENIUS: Have

BERKFINGER: Really

DAN W SWEAT: Yummy

MC BAD GENIUS: Things

DAN W SWEAT: In

MC BAD GENIUS: Them

BERKFINGER: I

MC BAD GENIUS: Know

BERKFINGER: That

DAN W SWEAT: Ice-­cream

MC BAD GENIUS: Should

BERKFINGER: Be

DAN W SWEAT: Enjoyed

MC BAD GENIUS: At

BERKFINGER: Now

All laughs

HAPPY: Points to everyone! Next round. You’re at a BBQ, are you the cook or the spectator?

MC BAD GENIUS: Spectator!

DAN W SWEAT: Spectator!

MC BAD GENIUS: Seriously, when I go to a BBQ I go to the barbecue and put the sausages on, put oil on it and let it go all the way down the grill so flames shoot up really high. Some dude will come over and jokingly say, “Looks like you need a little help mate”, and you laugh and let him take over and you never have to cook again.

DAN W SWEAT: You’re a genius Bad Genius.

BERKFINGER: So you offer to cook, and fail?

MC BAD GENIUS: And make sure no one wants what I’m cooking.

DAN W SWEAT: I don’t know what you’re going to say Berkfinger but you’re quite a good cook. One time you made a pasta with vegemite.

BERKFINGER: Vegemite?

DAN W SWEAT: Remember that, we were in Byron Bay? It was all that was in the house.

MC BAD GENIUS: Did you preface that with, “He’s a good cook”?

BERKFINGER: What are you talking about? I’ve never cooked pasta with Vegemite. I hate Vegemite, and I never cooked pasta there.

DAN W SWEAT: I’ve got a photo.

MC BAD GENIUS: This says more about Dan and what he thinks is good cooking. He only started cooking a year ago.

HAPPY:Really?

BERKFINGER: He can cook toast.

MC BAD GENIUS: Every meal of the day, besides Weet­Bix for breakfast, he would eat out because he couldn’t cook.

BERKFINGER: He couldn’t even find the kitchen in his house.

DAN W SWEAT: The real issue here is if you made pasta with Vegemite.

BERKFINGER: I never did.

MC BAD GENIUS: This is really bizarre.

DAN W SWEAT: It tasted good though, this isn’t a jab. Aha! I found it! Oh wait it wasn’t pasta it was potatoes.

BERKFINGER: Yeah I made you fried potatoes, but there was no Vegemite in it.

DAN W SWEAT: Look at this buddy!

BERKFINGER: Yeah, someone must have had toast for breakfast and left it there.

MC BAD GENIUS: I’m glad you took two minutes to find that, it really translates really well into an audio interview.

DAN W SWEAT: I’ll send it to you later.

Philadelphia Grand Jury Berkfinger

HAPPY: Okay, since we’re on food let’s ask the next question. Sausage sanga or steak sanga?

DAN W SWEAT: Yes please. (laughs).

BERKFINGER: Forget steak sanga. It’s too chewy, sausage sanga is the ultimate meal.

MC BAD GENIUS: I enjoy going to Bunnings so my wife can go in and spend as much time as she wants. She uses power tools and stuff. She loves it, it’s her favourite shop. And I just have a sausage sizzle out the front until she comes back.

DAN W SWEAT: You’re a 21st century man.

BERKFINGER: And gossip on the phone to your friends. But the big question is tomato sauce or barbecue sauce?

DAN W SWEAT: Tomato.

BERKFINGER: BBQ sauce for sure!

DAN W SWEAT: Don’t be silly.

BERKFINGER: Onions? Caramelised?

DAN W SWEAT: If onions are an option then yes.

BERKFINGER: Butter on the bread?

MC BAD GENIUS: Yes

DAN W SWEAT: Yes.

BERKFINGER: No way, that’s a bad mix. It makes the sauce pink, do you want pink sauce?

MC BAD GENIUS: The butter and the sauce don’t mix. It’s like oil and water.

DAN W SWEAT: I’m so hungry.

BERKFINGER: Didn’t you eat anything Dan? Just Weet­Bix?

DAN W SWEAT: And that beer.

BERKFINGER: So steak or sauasage?

DAN W SWEAT: Steak

BERKFINGER: C’mon, you have to say sausage.

MC BAD GENIUS: My answer is just yes.

BERKFINGER: Would you butterfly that sausage?

MC BAD GENIUS: Nah.

BERKFINGER: I like the butterfly.

Philadelphia Grand Jury

HAPPY: I dunno, the one hand wrap is pretty good.

BERKFINGER: What about chorizo?

DAN W SWEAT: Not for a sandwich, then it’s the same problem as a steak, it’s all chewy and soft.

BERKFINGER: What about a bit of coleslaw and aioli in there?

DAN W SWEAT: Oh yeah!

MC BAD GENIUS: I think we’re messing up this BBQ.

BERKFINGER: You’re putting butter in it! (laughs). Do you put butter on your peanut butter?

MC BAD GENIUS: I don’t like peanut butter at all.

DAN W SWEAT: I do!

BERKFINGER: You freak! You’re having peanut butter-­butter.

DAN W SWEAT: If you’re having it on toast it’s good.

MC BAD GENIUS: Peanut butter is gross, this is a stupid conversation.

BERKFINGER: Peanut butter is amazing.

DAN W SWEAT: Having it on toast means you put butter on there to grease it up.

BERKFINGER: Let’s have peanut butter on butter on toast, and chuck a sanga in there.

DAN W SWEAT: I’ll add some Vegemite too.

HAPPY: Alright gentlemen, this is the final round of questions and it’s double or nothing. We always talk about what makes us happy, so what makes you happy?

DAN W SWEAT: Back rub! And drum and bass. What makes you happy Berkfinger?

MC BAD GENIUS: Fire and camping?

BERKFINGER: Surviving!

MC BAD GENIUS: Just in everyday life?

BERKFINGER: We’re Philly Jays, we’re survivors. It makes me happy!

DAN W SWEAT: Butter and peanut butter!

MC BAD GENIUS: What makes me happy is getting to the airport on time. There’s something very satisfying about getting there and being checked in.

DAN W SWEAT: I like getting to the airport early.

BERKFINGER: I like wasting time so I’m there just when I need to be.

MC BAD GENIUS: Obviously there’s a bit of conflict there.

DAN W SWEAT: What makes me happy? Pringles?

MC BAD GENIUS: You already had your turn!

BERKFINGER: It’s okay, lot’s of things make him happy.

DAN W SWEAT: Opening new tennis balls (laughs).

BERKFINGER: Opening a new set of tennis balls…

HAPPY: You can’t beat that fresh, crisp smell.

DAN W SWEAT: Yeah. And the sound of a swishing basketball.

BERKFINGER: Philly Jays are getting pretty good at tennis by the way, because there’s a court behind our studio. Dan is a good player but can’t serve, I can serve but can’t play and Bad Genius has an all­-round game. I can’t hit back­-hand, the racket always falls out of my hand. What else makes Dan happy?

DAN W SWEAT: A simple and effective drum fill.

MC BAD GENIUS: (laughs).

BERKFINGER: I like when there’s only one for each song.

DAN W SWEAT: Me too!

HAPPY: Those are good answers, so you all win a prize!

BERKFINGER: Is it one piece of caramelised onion?

DAN W SWEAT: It’s butter!

BERKFINGER: Or a key to a new Prius?

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