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Crocodiles to become prison guards in Indonesia

As if the thought of an Indonesian prison weren’t deterrent enough for would-be criminals, Indonesian anti-drugs chief Budi Waseso has proposed that a prison be built on an island guarded by crocodiles. The prison would hold death row convicts guilty of drug smuggling.

Crocodile prison guards indonesia

It’ll take more than a rock hammer to break out of Indonesian prisons, with the anti-drugs chief insisting crocodiles become the new guards.

Though there has been no location or opening date set, the plan is certainly no crock, with the search set to begin in earnest for crocodiles with sharp teeth and an even sharper sense of social responsibility. While espousing the merits of his proposal, Mr. Waseso stated that “You can’t bribe crocodiles. You can’t convince them to let inmates escape“. He’s clearly never been to a crocodile show in the Northern Territory. All it would take is an appetising piece of chicken on a string and the inmates would be petting their reptilian guards like puppies.

Crocodile prison guard

Well perhaps it wouldn’t be that easy, but I wouldn’t be so sure about a crocodile’s moral compass. They are a creature after all that is famous for its insincerity. Crocodile tears and crocodile smiles in particular are infamously deceptive. You can imagine the problems this would cause when the poor working conditions of an Indonesian prison force the guards to unionise. How could you possibly win a collective bargaining argument against a staff made up of ‘crocodiles of the most vicious kind’?

Crocodile prison guard

How one would motivate a crocodile to turn up for work every day is another foreseeable issue. Saltwater crocodiles are not sociable like their freshwater cousins and will often fight over territory. So the question must be asked, how would a team of ferocious crocodiles guard dangerous criminals if they cannot stand to be in the same place as one another? They could build walls around the island to keep them all in the one place, although that would probably make it far too conventional a prison for Mr. Waseso’s liking. And even if an inmate tried to climb a wall…

Crocodile prison guard

It has to be said that crocodiles would certainly make an Andy Dufresne-esque escape a whole lot more treacherous. Shawshank Redemption would have had a very different ending if its protagonist had emerged from the sewer into a crocodile infested river. Perhaps Mr. Waseso has plans for a Shawshank sequel set in Indonesia. If he can convince the crocodiles to be good guards, surely he could turn them into acting too.

This story was first seen on Break.