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The Meeting Tree’s guide to stressing less and loving life

The Meeting Tree guide to relaxing

Do you feel stressed? Anxious? Are the walls closing in? Don’t worry, respected relaxation experts The Meeting Tree have provided their top chill techniques to help you live a long, peaceful life.

A cap of molly

Have a cap, lay back and fall asleep.

Massages

Have a cap of molly, then go and get a Thai massage with oil. On entrance make sure that the music is suitable and not a weird karaoke cover of Whatever You Like by someone impersonating T.I.

Make lots of money

Make a whole heap of money and then just sit back and think about it.

Ping Pong

Go to your favorite urban ping pong table and play a bit of Wiff Waff.

Sit down

Just sit down for 10 minutes.

Buy a new pair of sunglasses

Just put them on and go for a little walk in your new sunglasses.

If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life

Figure out what you love and monetise it. That’s what Terry Durack and Anthony Lister both did, and they’re arseholes. Hope for us all.

Live somewhere that feels like a lesser man’s ideal holiday

This one is loaded. A lesser man’s ideal holiday is only shit if you yourself are also shit. Marinate on it.

Don’t pay tax

Until the government evens out the taxation system to one more closely aligned with Georgism and taxable income being assessed on the value of the land you own rather than the money you’re paid for your intellectual property, you should rely on the inevitability of death to sort out any pesky issues with the taxman. One less thing to worry about!

Smoke weed

There’s a reason the coolest people you know do it. Roll that shit, light that shit, smoke that shit, play Don Bradman ’14 that shit.

The Meeting Tree’s debut EP R U a Cop is out now.