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Music

How many lasers are too many lasers? There’s no answer for Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard? Child’s play. A Finnish black metal band dressed as dinosaurs? Nah, you can do better. A McDonalds/Black Sabbath fusion band? For fuck’s sake, what happened to originality?

You’d think it was dead, but then again you probably hadn’t heard of the Aussie aliens who declare themselves to be a “Galaxy destroying space orchestra playing the music of Bugs Bunny cartoons live and in sync with the footage”  before today.

Oh, and their name is Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher. Sign me the fuck up.

phantom panda

Prepare your consciousness for the might of Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher, your inter-dimensional lords from the Panda Galaxy.

Everything from their appearance to their music, their love for lasers and their love of pandas establish an unwavering artistic vision. Which makes sense, given that they are actual beings from another galaxy. That’s just how they do things back home.

If it’s no trouble let’s just limit the band names to: SpaceCock, GiggleMuffin, StarrPanda, LazerKitty, NeutronBare, GlitterBunny, TwinkleToise, QuazerQuack and air conditioner. Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher have been known to kick it up to a 14 piece on special occasions.

As for what these space cowboys actually play, they tread the long-established genre fusion of doom metal with cartoon soundtracks. At their show, if you can take your eyes off the aliens themselves, you’ll be able to watch the some vintage cartoons on a giant LED screen as the band smashes out an in-sync set.

If that’s the cut of your jib, grab a listen to a few of their tunes below. I recommend The Brutal Rabbit of Seville for an intro track, given that it has a little bit of everything. Chunky riff work and heavy-handed drum lines sit under the Looney Tunes-esque interludes, delightfully lifting it to a whole new level of gloom-laden frightfulness.

We’re all for creative freedom, mind-bending musical advancement and, if Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher are to be believed, communication with an alien species.

Whether the Panda Galaxy is a real location in the space-time continuum may be up in the air, but at least something’s clear: we’ve definitely touched upon beings of higher intelligence here.

You can experience Phantom Panda Power Wizard Master Smasher in all their intergalactic, fucked-up glory this Friday at Ding Dong Lounge, Melbourne. Grab the details you need right here.