Doctors say we should all masturbate in lockdown to boost our immune systems

Doctors say masturbation can lead to states of euphoria, better sleep patterns, and an immune system that can fight colds and flu.

According to Dr. Gloria Brame, a BDSM and fetish researcher, an orgasm is the biggest non-drug-induced blast of dopamine we can experience. So in a time like this, when everyone is stuck inside avoiding a deadly virus, what better way to pass the time?

masturbation during lockdown, masturbate
Image: Sex Education/Netflix

Masturbation offers a number of benefits such as raising white blood cell count, relieving stress, and boosting the immune system. And it’s a perfect isolation activity.

Way back in 2004, around the time of Green Day’s release of American Idiot, a study saw doctors watch a group of 11 men undertake self-pleasure activities. They aimed to investigate “the effects of masturbation-induced orgasm on lymphocyte circulation and cytokine production.” Sounds kinda pervy, but they learned a lot.

45 minutes after orgasm, the test subjects showed considerably higher counts of white blood cells. These cells are essential in the immune system’s defence against illness.

A 2016 study titled “Ejaculation Frequency and Subsequent Risk of Prostate Cancer,” finds that men are able to reduce their risk of prostate cancer by 10%. All they have to do is orgasm between eight and 12 times a month. There are few studies in this particular field, which means, ladies, run your own studies if you must.

Masturbation has also been found to stimulate endocannabinoid production. According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine, masturbation stimulates neurotransmitters, and this regulates bodily functions. Functional neurotransmitters can regulate inflammation, promote better immune response and offer stress management.

Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, is one such neurotransmitter. It’s been found to decrease cortisol levels, which cause stress in times of anxiety, fear or panic. Additionally, masturbation releases serotonin (the happiness hormone) and dopamine (the pleasure hormone), which both promote relaxation and offer better sleep patterns.

Timothy Mainardi, an allergist and immunologist based in New York, supports self-pleasure techniques to optimise the immune system during the pandemic. He also recommends getting plenty of sleep, washing your hands regularly, and being diligent with hand sanitizer in public places. 

“The most important way to keep your immune system functioning normally is the old-fashioned way that nobody likes to talk about: diet and exercise,” he tells Health.

Sex-ercise, exercise, tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to.