Dogs are getting stoned off of human faeces and we are so alarmed

An article published in the Australian Veterinary Journal says Melbournian dogs have been suffering from marijuana toxicosis after eating human faeces.

Melbournites… getting high off a joint or two is none of our business, but can someone please explain why and who, exactly, is relieving themselves somewhere that a dog can find it?

The report examines fifteen cases where dogs in one of Australia’s most culturally renowned cities have displayed symptoms of marijuana poisoning after ingesting human faeces containing Tetrahydrocannabinol (or THC) – a chemical compound found in cannabis that gives the drug its psychoactive high.

Image: Shutterstock

But how is it still in peoples’ poop?

“THC is excreted within days and weeks in humans,” the veterinary journal article says. “There is approximately 20%-35% [THC] excreted in urine and 65%-80% [THC] excreted in faeces.”

Each canine case was sourced from the medical records of “four, 24-h[our] veterinary emergency hospitals” in the city.

Seven of the dogs were female, while eight were male. All desexed, the study covered a number of breeds such as golden retrievers, boxers, Labradors, with mixed-breed being the most common type of canine being examined.

When writing for IFLScience, Katie Spalding, translated the signs of the aforementioned case (“ataxia, mydriasis, hyperaesthesia, urinary incontinence, and stupor”) into laymen’s terms as “being unsteady on … [one’s] feet, dilated pupils, increased sensitivity [of the senses], peeing more, and falling asleep” respectively.

You know? Typical stoner things.

According to the study’s results, ataxia (where the poor little pooches struggle to stand) was the most common symptom with 13 subjects displaying it.

While this might sound like fun and games, it’s actually quite serious. The report says that dogs can die from marijuana toxicosis so it’s important to keep an eye on what your furry friend is putting in their mouth.

Switching gears to a lighter note, what’s also interesting about the report is where the study’s participants found the infected poop.

Local park(s), a campsite, the beach and a walking trail were the identified sites where apparently stoners decided to defecate and leave the offensive material behind.

But why would anyone poop in public? Especially if they’re high!?

Writer Lily Asis of Outrage Magazine is the brave soul with the answer.

dog THC
Photo: Shutterstock

According to Asis’s 2020 article, “Does cannabis make you poop?”, marijuana allows the body to relax and “reduce[s] the odds of constipation by 30%” (based on a study done by The American Journal of Gastroenterology).

“In truth, many weed enthusiasts noted more effortless bowel movement after indulging in some cannabis,” Asis wrote.

So Melbournians, if you choose to get high in a public place, make sure you have a secure spot to relieve yourself. Pooping on a toilet and keeping dogs safe? There’s no better high than that.