As Mother’s Day looms near, Gwyneth Paltrow’s website sold out of its rare ‘double-sided’ vibrator in less than 24 hours.
In what feels like a game of orgasmic mad-libs at this point, Gwyneth’s latest business venture, a $95 (122.93 AUD) ‘one-of-a-kind vibrator’, completely sold out on Goop in just 24 hours.
The rare ‘wand massager’ features a large ball-shaped end for “rumbly, mighty external vibration” and a slimmer, flexible end for targeted clitoral or internal stimulation.
Each side also offers eight pulsating patterns that vary in intensity, making a total of 64 different combos to choose from. Essentially, it looks like a glorified gelato cone.
“Every detail is deliberate and precise, but we’d be lying if we said that using the vibrator gives us the sensation we thought it would,” the description on Goop dramatically reads.
“The truth is: It still shocks us. We’ve tried a lot of vibrators—this one packs serious power and delivers deep pleasure.
“It’s a thing of beauty on a nightstand. Basically, it’s a pleasure all around.”
Gwyneth Paltrow made a goop vibrator….. I- pic.twitter.com/TWy9uDPW5Y
— ✪ lou ✪ (@arrowmalec) May 2, 2021
Gwyneth took to her Instagram to announce that the never-seen-before product flew off shelves in record-breaking time, but also ensured that those who missed out would be able to receive the luxury vibrator once her team procures more pieces.
Now, while we love to take the piss out of Paltrow’s numerous business ventures, such as her endless parade of intimate vagina-candles, or jade-eggs that allegedly realign your orifice-chakras, it’s clear this thing packs a serious punch – cause Paltrow doesn’t fuck about.
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In only a few hours, Paltrow was back on the Gram to share a video clip to her 7.5 million followers of the “ultimate ultimate” orgasmic product doing its thing, while announcing that new stock has arrived.
”The @goop vibrator that sold out in less than 24 hours is finally back in stock. Link in bio to shop; it’s a vibe (cc: @2chainz),” she wrote.
Needless to say, the team at Happy feel like complete tits right now, after we launched our Mother’s Day gift guide without even considering putting Paltrow’s ergonomic power-phallus on our list.
So, if you’re scratching your head with what to get mum this May… don’t say you didn’t get some great suggestions.
