Deck the halls my with boughs of holly my friends! These are the 8 worst Christmas albums of all time (that your mum probably loves).
Ahhh, Christmas. Releasing a Christmas album can be a beautiful thing, and by all reports, it pays the bills. But when something pays the bills, it attracts all kinds of half-assed efforts from artists who decide that releasing a Christmas album is probably a good idea.
They can be great, they can be bad, and they can be the worst. Here are the worst.
8. Sia – Everyday Is Christmas
What on earth is going on here? Sia is meant to be cool but Christmas albums are certifiably uncool. While the production is slick as hell, the songs feel underwritten and ultimately lacklustre.
Produced by Greg Kurstin – the same guy behind Kelly Clarkson’s Wrapped In Red – has made things a little too shiny here and it feels overly polished. Bring back Phil Spector! The pop mastermind should stick to what she knows best.
7. Jessica Simpson – Happy Christmas
Jessica Simpson simply tries too hard here. Every song is an attempt to show off the entirety of her range, even if she doesn’t necessarily have to.
After her major label country makeover didn’t stick there was only one option for Jessica. Sign to Ellen Degeneres’ fledgling label, Eleven Eleven, and cut her second Christmas album. It doesn’t quite stick and but there is less pizzazz than her first Christmas outing, and that’s saying something.
6. Cee Lo Green – Cee Lo’s Magic Moment
In 2012, Cee Lo Green donned some red PVC for extra holiday cheer. Six months later he was shamed with a highly publicised drug charge. The album cover alone is enough to make you puke.
If you’ve ever wanted to see Cee Lo Green driving a Rolls Royce sleigh then your dreams have come true. He even did a song with the muppets. Please don’t watch it, I guarantee it will ruin your day.
5. David Hasselhoff – The Night Before Christmas
The Hoff has done some atrocious things in his time, though none are more heinous than The Night Before Christmas. However, in David’s defence he’s not necessarily trying to make the greatest Christmas album here.
David Hasselhoff doesn’t take himself too seriously. It’s predictably cheesy and one song is sung entirely in German but hey, it’s better than Cee Lo Green.
4. Mariah Carey – Merry Christmas
One of the only modern Christmas songs to become a holiday standard, Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You was apparently written in just 15 minutes.
Since 1994, that one tune has pulled in $78 million dollars for Mariah and her label. No matter where you go this Christmas you won’t escape Mariah Carey.
3. Justin Bieber – Under The Mistletoe
Justin Bieber brings along a selection of big wig guests to help him through these 11 standards and originals. And boy does he need it. He surprisingly holds his own against Mariah Carey’s gusto, but is no match for Usher or Busta Rhymes.
The acoustic Silent Night will no doubt be a favourite amongst Beliebers, but you will likely feel like taking a long hot shower after listening to this one.
2. Alvin and the Chipmunks – Christmas with the Chipmunks
The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late) is frequently cited as the most fervently despised Christmas song of all time.
If for some messed up reason you want a headache and you want it fast then this is the perfect thing for you.
1. Shatner Claus – The Christmas Album
Veteran actor William Shatner has boldly gone where no Christmas has ever gone before. The magnificently titled Shatner Claus is a downright masterpiece of a disaster.
While there are some huge records on this list, none can match the sheer misguided vision and scope of Shatner Claus. It features guest appearances from ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons, Iggy Pop, and more, while managing to stay pretty much shit throughout.