Clocked

If you’re weirdly horny for the creepers in ‘Minecraft’, there’s now a song for you

Danny Gonzalez and Kurtis Conner have teamed up to release a song all about wanting to fuck a creeper in Minecraft, so maybe somebody should check up on them.

The pandemic has made us all a little desperate at times, with lockdowns resulting in whole new levels of thirst for plenty of lonely souls (apparently we’re all super horny for Mario now). However, I can say with utmost certainty that I have never wanted to fuck a creeper from Minecraft, and I absolutely have not written a song about it either.

The same cannot be said by popular YouTubers Danny Gonzalez and Kurtis Conner – they’ve just released a new song, I’m In Love With a Creeper, and even dropped a music video to go with it. It isn’t the first Minecraft parody video to ever hit the web, but it might just be the most concerning.

Image: I’m in Love with a Creeper / BrainForce V

It’s a bit of a bop containing a simple story of love. Except that love is for one of the exploding stalker enemies from Minecraft. It’s also shared by both Gonzalez and Conner, who are trying to make a move on the exact same creeper. Nothing unusual here!

The two comedians and game streamers sing of their affections for the creeper, who is “so thick with no curves”, until they discover they’re both going after the same creature. Naturally, they decide to put aside the competition and propose a threesome instead.

Spoiler alert: she says yes. But if you know anything about what happens when you get close to these pixelated antagonists, then you can probably figure out that the story does not end happily ever after.

 

If you appreciate a good Minecraft-related pun, this is the song for you. It’s filled with such an obscene amount of absolutely shameless innuendos that I’m not sure if I respect or fear it. Either way, it’s going to be stuck in my head for the next three to five business days.

The music video is a self-aware green screen masterpiece, complete with cheesy crossfades and romantic scenes. I don’t know a lot about art, but I think this is it.

If you’ve spent a few too many hours playing Minecraft over the last year (maybe even in VR so it feels a bit too real) and started to think a creeper’s curves (or lack thereof) are looking a little tempting, this one goes out to you. Just learn from their mistakes and don’t let the creeper of your dreams get too close to you – emotionally or physically.