There are two things we know about Mr Donny Benet: He can put on one hell of a show and he is one smooth lover. So with Valentines Day creeping over the horizon we know there are a few lonely hearts out there who need some good advice. We reached out to some Happy readers who’ve anonymously asked some very important questions. Pull up a chair and pay attention. The love master is ready to teach some lessons:
What do you do when you’re lost in love? Seek the wise teachings of Donny Benet! It’s our new column Dear Donny, and he’s playing cupid for these five lonely hearts
“I’ve known this guy for about 6 months and he’s my best friend. We have a lot of things in common and we just seem to click. There is one problem though, my friend who introduced us has liked him for 4 years. I told her that I like him and she was upset. Is there an easy way to tell her we are becoming a couple?”, from More Than Friends.
Take her bowling – just the two of you. Let her win for a few games and then drop the bombshell. Sometimes breaking news is like pulling off a band aid – you’ve got to do it quickly. You’ll find she will either storm out in tears or channel the rage and kick your butt at bowling. And you’ll both be wearing those ridiculous shoes. I think that’s the best way to do it.
“My husband is sweet and loving, and unfortunately seems to have a roaming eye (or two). We’ve had trust issues in the past, and I recently found out that he downloaded Tinder when I was away on a business trip. He uninstalled it and claimed he was “just curious,” but I’m still hurt about it. What do I do?“, from Swipe Right.
This hits close to the heart – kind of like browsing in your partner’s Internet history and finding them looking up their high school crushes on Facebook or E Harmony. I wouldn’t worry too much about it – from my research and heresay Tinder is full of Nigerian and Russian scam artists. Or, you could also join Tinder with a fake profile and set up a ‘date’. Love can be tough but sometimes you just gotta know…
“What principles should a single guy follow if he wants to start dating a lady and hopefully make her his wife? In other words, how does one date like a Christian?“, from Jesus is My Wingman.
Earn a lot of money. Get in good with the family. Bathe and brush your teeth regularly. Say all the right things and dish out compliment sandwiches on a regular basis. Look… you can’t follow a guaranteed script for love. Just be yourself and listen. That’s all it takes. Forget all the other bullshit. You are a beautiful and unique snowflake. Remember that.
“I just met a guy and he is lovely but straight away he confided he is turned on by urination, I’m not disgusted by this but I’m also not turned on by it and I get the impression that it is the only thing that can get him off, he more or less admitted that. Sex is very important to me and I feel like his fantasy is very limiting if he can’t get off on my body alone or other things apart from urination, am I wasting my time seeing him again do you think this is something that he can’t control?“, from Number One.
Just limit his liquid intake and keep him in a constant state of dehydration. I dunno, cruising up the yellow river is not my scene – maybe it’s time you find love again.
“I work for an adult phone service. I met this guy on the phone line 5 years ago. He is very much in love with my character (basically me). The problem is, I don’t look anything like my character. He is 31, I am 50, and separated from my second husband. He thinks I am younger and have never been married. I have 3 grown children and a grandson. I am in love with him. Do I tell him the truth, and risk making him angry and lose my job or do I break things off and disappear. Help!“, from Hanging on the Line.
I wouldn’t imagine you’d be at risk of losing your job as a phone sex worker… unless the man you’re talking about is a Mr T. Abbott. True love trumps everything – lay your cards out on the table and see where love takes you: Sometimes relationships with a sizeable age gap can be like biting straight into an onion – it shocks at first and is not normally done but once you get over the initial feeling it’s a real fulfilling meal. I say do it.