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This “toddler-friendly” dancing cactus toy raps about cocaine in Polish

We can’t make this up. There’s a Polish-speaking, dancing cactus toy in Taiwan that raps about drugs and suicide.

You read that right, and it’s something that’s as random as it is baffling. This 32cm dancing cactus toy is marketed as being “toddler-friendly”, and with its cartoonish eyes, friendly smile and wiggle-ready furry body, it’s easy to see why.

But parents should think twice before buying the product that is designed to “stimulate imagination and creativity in children”.

Dancing Cactus
Photo: novashop365.com

According to an article in the Taiwan News, “a Polish mother living in Taichung [a city in the country’s central west]” visited a shop named Carrefour.

While there, the mother and her baby came across the toy where it was soon discovered that the happy tune it was grooving to was definitely not child-friendly.

The song is by Polish rapper Cypis.

Named Gdzie jest biał węgorz? (Zejście) or where is the white eel? Translated lyrics show that the song contains lines such as “[t]he only thing in my head / Is five grams of cocaine,” and “[b]rother, my face is getting f*cked up / My head’s a brothel like on TV”.

The song itself gained Reddit fame when accompanied by a short, highly compressed video of a cow dancing. And no, there’s isn’t a dancing cow plush as well.

Alarmed, the unnamed mother shared her discovery with Ela Sobczak, a Polish friend (also living in Taiwan) who then shared the story with local news.

The mother also posted about the toy onto “a Polish online forum”.

“[T]he song itself is definitely inappropriate to play in front of children,” said Sobczak when speaking with the Taiwan News.

Likewise, the mother who discovered the inappropriate toy had this to say to the news outlet regarding the matter: “Cocaine and suicide attempt repeated over and over again. It is really shocking.”

Despite the toy not being the best option for a birthday present or for a baby shower, it is still available to be purchased “from several Carrefour branches in Taipei … [and] on online shopping platforms, such as Shopee, Ruten and Rakuten”.

Outside of Taiwan, the toy is available on Amazon.