Rockstar/drug lord Ozzy Osbourne won a poll way back in 2004 that deemed him Earth’s go-to ambassador for alien communication.
Ozzy Osbourne really is the gift that keeps on giving. In case his musical endeavours with Black Sabbath weren’t iconic enough, the drug-addled legend has also eaten the head off a live bat, pioneered the ‘throw a TV out the window’ rockstar trope, accidentally drugged a vicar, and committed countless other acts of debauchery. Scientists have literally studied the prince of darkness, finding a genetic mutation that lets him keep partying.
However, today we’re here to remember an overlooked feat on Ozzy’s resume. The time he was voted ambassador of Earth, should aliens arrive.
Our story begins in 2004 with a Yahoo! News poll, which is how all good stories start. NASA had recently discovered water on Mars, so naturally, society was fantasising about the possible life forms that could be inhabiting the planet.
Extraterrestrial life was on the brain, so Yahoo! stepped up to ask an important question: who should be Earth’s ambassador to welcome aliens to our planet? Who should be the face of the human race? The head of negotiations? The communication expert? Spoilers, it’s the guy that popped 25 Vicodin pills a day.
The running competitors included former UK PM Tony Blair, presenters Ant and Dec, former US President George Bush, glamour girl Jordan (Katie Price), and of course, our lord and saviour Ozzy Osbourne. Meme culture was in its early stages in 2004, but you can probably still guess how pitting Ozzy against world leaders went.
If aliens are really living among us Ozzy Osborne is one of them
— Scuba Hen™ (@HenryTheGreat16) December 19, 2020
The internet public banded together and ranked these contenders in the best way possible. Let’s go over the results.
While Bush and model Jordan only made up 9% of the popular vote, Ozzy Osbourne crushed the competition with a whopping 26%, making him Earth’s ambassador of choice. Ant and Dec came second, and Blair received bronze. You gotta love democracy.
“Ozzy is a great choice, but I’m not sure what the Martians would make of his individual approach to the English language”, Yahoo’s Gareth Bellamy quipped.
We’ll leave you with one final nugget: during the vote, Ozzy was recovering from a quad bike accident that nearly killed him.
