Not ideal, is it?
Shirley Manson, who recently attained the esteemed rank of Chief Fun Prevention Officer, has escalated her one-woman war on inflatable joy.
During Garbage’s Brisbane Good Things Festival set, the singer, who famously declared she joined a band to avoid the beach and its associated levity, condescended to address the sea of beach balls defiantly bobbing in her audience.
With the withering patience of a substitute teacher, Manson acknowledged the “very, very big” balls before delivering her masterstroke: a scolding that the media cares more about her “offending beach balls” than about dead Palestinian children.
Having graciously offered a mock apology for harming ball-related sentiments, she then demanded governments apologise for genocide, a neat rhetorical two-step that reframed petty festival drama as a stark lesson in moral relativism.
She sealed the performance by amending a lyric to “if you’re ready for balls,” proving she can weaponise sarcasm as deftly as she detests summertime recreation.
