Wads of banknotes found between the clenched ass cheeks of Brazilian senator in anti-corruption raid

Brazilian Senator Chico Rodrigues was found with thousands of dollars in cash between his buttocks by anti-corruption police cracking down (sorry) on the misspending of congressional funding.

The most recent Brazilian presidential election, which took place in 2018, saw current sitting president (the far-right Jair Bolsonaro) position himself as the antithesis of the corrupt political administrations that came before him.

However, as it turns out, Bolsonaro’s senate isn’t all that pristine. Reports have surfaced that the president’s chosen deputy leader, Chico Rodrigues (the suss unit pictured below), was found to be embezzling from authorities during a police raid in his literal ass crack, giving the phrase “dirty money” a whole new meaning.

brazilian butt cheeks senator cash

Rodrigues, although dopey looking, is actually a super powerful member of the Brazilian senate. He is responsible for representing the northern Amazon state of Roraima and was recently elected as deputy leader by the aforementioned “anti-corrupt” Brazilian President, Jair Bolsonaro.

During the country’s coronavirus response, the senator came under police suspicion regarding personal misuse of COVID-19 congressional funding. Last Wednesday, Mr Rodrigues’ home was unexpectedly raided.

The federal police confirmed to AFP they were trying to investigate a “possible criminal scheme diverting public funds” that had been set aside to help fight the outbreak in Roraima state.

During the raid, Brazilian newspapers reported that some 30,000 reais (which is just under 7,500 AUD), were unearthed by the police, after they sussed out a “large, rectangular bulge” under the senator’s shorts, according to Sky News.

After police noticed the peculiar sight, Rodrigues apparently asked if he could use to the bathroom and tried to run off. Police ended up seizing the money from his clenched butt cheeks.

“To give you a sense of just how preposterous the situation was,” reported Brazilian paper Revista Crusoé, “some of the recovered notes were stained with faeces.”

The paper went onto say: “It was a scene of considerable embarrassment.” 

Well, I mean yeah.

Anyway, Rodrigues was quick to deny wrongdoing, offering no clear explanation for the contents of his underwear. He went onto hint that the whole situation was a misunderstanding, you know, rivals trying to tarnish his name. “I have a clean background and a respectable life. I’ve never been involved in any kind of scandal,” the 69-year-old insisted.

The Supreme Court disclosed that the raid was filmed but, alas, the video would not be shown to the public, stating that:

 “[Because] the money was hidden by Senator Chico Rodrigues quite deeply in his underwear [authorities] will not reproduce these images in this report so as not to cause greater embarrassment.”

Release the video, cowards.

Rodrigues has now been suspended from the Senate for 90 days, which could be extended if the authorities decide to make the move permanent.

So, what does the heaps clean, non-corrupt president have to say? President Jair Bolsonaro accused the media of using the story to portray his government as corrupt, saying “there’s no corruption in my government.”

So, there you go. No corrupt here.

Case closed.