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music conspiracies

I, for one, love conspiracy theories. I believe in every conspiracy theory ever conceived. Who doesn’t want to know something that nobody else does. It’s the ultimate form of power, and proof of my intellectual superiority.

So what if most of them seem ridiculous? Forget the moon landing, forget 9/11 being an inside job, the crown jewels of all conspiracies are those of musical matters.

Justin Bieber is a reptilian overlord? Paul McCartney died and has been replaced by a doppelgänger? Stevie Wonder isn’t blind? Yes, yes, yes!

Here are the 10 wackiest music conspiracy theories of all time.

conspiracy theories

We all love a good conspiracy theory. Thus we’ve compiled the wildest, weirdest, and most outrageous music conspiracy theories ever made.

10. Elvis Presley is still alive

The Alivers, are a noble group of people who know, for certain, that Elvis Presley is still alive.

Alivers have noted the misspelling of his name on the tombstone at Graceland, which reads ‘AAron’ instead of ‘Aron’ as his middle name. Furthermore, the coroner’s diagnosis of cardiac arrhythmia is more than suspect as it cannot be determined in a dead body.

Plus the rumours of Presley sweating in his casket are proof that the body was made of wax. What’s more, there’s a curious fact that his autopsy was placed under a 50-year seal. And to the rumours of numerous Presley sightings as an old codger.

More than a little curious if you ask me.

 

9. Katy Perry is actually JonBenét Ramsey

On the night of Christmas, 1996, JonBenét Ramsey, a child beauty pageant winner was found dead in her home in Boulder, Colorado. Ramsey had a broken skull and had been strangled. She was only 6.

However, conspiracists believe that JonBenét Ramsey was kidnapped that night by her parents as part of an Illuminati hoodwink and resurfaced as Katy Perry in 2008. The only real evidence it seems is that fact that white people look the same, but I guess only time will tell.

8. Bob Dylan stole Blowin’ In The Wind from a student

Bob Dylan’s second single, 1963’s Blowin’ In The Wind was a historic success. But did Dylan write it? The short answer is no – not according to New Jersey High School student Lorre Wyatt who wrote a newspaper article claiming the troubadours theft.

However, after more than a decade, Wyatt conceded admitting that he found the lyrics and music in the folk magazine Broadside, then passed off Dylan’s work as his own.

In truth though only the words were Dylan’s – he based the melody off No More Auction Block for Me, an old gospel. Dylan sketched out the lyrics on April 16, 1962, and a musician named Gil Turner played it for the first time later that night at Gerde’s Folk City.

7. Stephen King killed John Lennon

The conspiracy theory that acclaimed horror writer Stephen King – instead of the convicted Mark David Chapman – killed John Lennon is certainly among the most convincing. Stephen Lightfoot exclaimed his theory during 2009 town council meeting in Sarasota, Florida.

Lightfoot believes a photo of the killer looks like Stephen King, and Nixon and Reagan covered it up due to Lennon’s outspoken anti-war stance.

“Stephen King is the worst criminal the state of Florida has ever harbored,” Lightfoot exclaimed, before police chief Peter Abbott escorted him out of the meeting. Lightfoot then vandalised a vehicle with a message: ‘It’s true or he’d sue.’

6. Steve Wonder isn’t blind

The belief that Stevie Wonder can actually see and only faked blindness as a publicity stunt was only a fringe statement before 2010. That’s when Steve, onstage for a Paul McCartney performance at the White House East Room, casually and precisely caught a mic stand that the Beatle knocked over.

Coincidence? I think not.

5. Radiohead released a song called Putting Ketchup In The Fridge

In December 2011, many websites were astir with the news that the strangely titled track Putting Ketchup In The Fridge was indeed a Radiohead demo from the early 1990s. Fans of the art-rock behemoth also confirmed that it was definitely, 100%, undeniably Thom Yorke singing.

Not long after it surfaced, it came to light that the song was actually by Canadian musician Christopher Stopa who was slightly surprised yet humbled by the acclaim coming his way. All the more because he had given up music and become a baker.

4. Paul McCartney died in 1966

Everybody knows that Paul McCartney died in 1966 and every appearance since has been a look a like. Plus, in typical Beatles fashion, the band begun to drop hints across their work for fans to find.

Some fans think they hear John Lennon saying ‘I buried Paul’ at the end of Strawberry Fields Forever, that the car accident that took his life is specifically referenced in A Day in the Life and that the procession on the cover of 1969’s Abbey Road is actually to McCartney’s funeral.

3. The CIA murdered Bob Marley

The original account of Bob Marley’s death is already fairly suspicious. Marley died in May 1981, after a toe injury from a soccer match exposed a lesion under the nail. He was later diagnosed with malignant melanoma yet Marley refused to have the toe amputated as it would hinder his dancing. The cancer eventually killed him.

Though apparently it wasn’t that simple. Conspiracists say the CIA sought to oust Marley whose growing message of peace conflicted with their views. Some believe, the son of former CIA director William Colby gave Marley a pair of boots fitted with a poison-coated copper wire near the toe.

This was supposedly an extension of the CIA’s failed assassination attempt with sharpshooters earlier to the cancer. Marley did, in fact, survive a 1976 assassination attempt by three gunmen at his home in Jamaica.

2. Avril Lavigne replacement

One of the most essential conspiracy theories ever. Avril Lavigne was replaced after her first album, Let Go, which featured the hit single Sk8ter Boi. There I said it! Her doppelgänger was Melissa Vandella who is slightly taller that the original Avril.

Moreover, Avril began leaving easter eggs in her lyrics, particularly in the track Under The Skin, where she talks about ‘A host that you can hide behind?’ 

The most concrete fact of all however is the point that the world can’t live without Avril Lavigne. Of course they had a replacement. Could you imagine the devastation of a world without Avril? *Shivers*

1. Justin Bieber is a reptilian overlord

Ah the Reptilians. The greatest of all species and elites of our world. And who is admittedly among their ranks? Justin Bieber, of course. The baby faced bad boy is harbouring a forked tongue after blinking weirdly in an interview.

He also joins Barack Obama, Madonna, Katy Perry, Angelina Jolie as those A-Listers who are part of a secret lizard race sent here to take over the world.

 

 

 

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December 10, 2019