5 moments that prove ‘Hitman 3’ is perfect, dumb fun

Hitman 3 is one hell of a game. It epitomises the idea that more you put in, the more you’ll get out. From deadly bananas to talking hippos, the world is truly Agent 47’s oyster.

Hitman 3 is the IKEA of the gaming world in that it offers you all the tools of a good time, but makes you put it together. Now, of course, this has led to people taking the instructions for a bookshelf and turning them into beating people to death with a banana. Again and again and again.

In light of this broken fact, and with respect to the selfless warriors who put hours of their time into absurd causes for our entertainment, we’re rounding up the five most ridiculous shenanigans we could find in Hitman 3. Enjoy!

Hitman 3 Banana

Grape Death

An absolute trooper of a player spent 10 hours fetching everyone in Mendoza, knocked them out, and chucked them all into the grape press.

It breaks some bones, and the game, but it’s well worth the watch.


The ICA Arctic Sniper has a glitch where it doesn’t recognise the authority of rocks, walls, or passing birds. It finally answers the question of what happens when an unstoppable force hits an immoveable object: Agent 47 gets man.

Hippo Talk

A hippo emerges from a swamp and gives you depressing, but incredibly accurate, advice. Headphones are recommended for the full, spine-chilling experience.

On Top of the World Speedrun

Speedrunners are the best and worst thing about this game. It’s excellent watching them do what they do best, but disheartening to see how terrible you are in comparison.

Here we have the first mission being smashed in eight seconds.

Agent 47: Life coach

This last one is potentially the most ridiculous event seen throughout the entire series. Agent 47 takes a pause on his death-riddled journey to offer some sagely words of wisdom about friendship. The best part? His advice is excellent.

If you’re feeling distant from a friend, don’t doubt yourself, they do still want to hang with you, and it does always help if you pick up the tab.