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Ja Rule, one of the most commercially successful hip hop artists of all time, fucks up beyond all expectation

Three time Grammy nominee, actor in multiple Hollywood films, investor in the successful startup Magnises and an artist boasting over 60 million record sales worldwide, Ja Rule has defied the world’s expectations yet again with his most monumental fuck-up to date.

Fyre Fest, the intrepid VIP musical festival co-founded by Mr. Rule and proven scumbag Billy McFarland recently stirred a social media frenzy when it failed to deliver on every single promise its organisers made.

The trouble is, Fyre Fest was doomed to fail. The signs were all there, they were just hiding under the mountainous shadows of Kendall Jenner’s ass implants.

Hip hop historians and social media scientists are once more baffled at Ja Rule’s ability to fuck things up every single time.

What was promised as the biggest FOMO-inducing festival of all time turned out to be the opposite, as cashed-up punters who paid up to $12,000 for a ticket were met with bare cheese sandwiches, disaster relief tents and a general lack of water.

If you’re the kind of festival-goer who wears the same shirt for three days, sleeps under a tarp you stole and chooses a bag of rack instead of food for 48 hours, these conditions may not phase you too much. Unfortunately Fyre’s ticket holders were the one percent; the richest of the rich who purchased their tickets expecting a personal testicle masseuse, VIP gluten-free brunches and MDMA pills ground with diamonds instead of rat poison.

Following Fyre’s colossal and extremely public failure, Ja Rule was quick to both take the blame and expunge it from himself in a single tweet.

Noble? Cowardly? Who knows? The fact is that the world trusted Ja Rule and McFarland when they had no reason to. They were simply riding on the tanned, toned shoulders of their influencers.

Ja Rule was publicly sentenced to prison in 2011 for over $3 million in high-end tax evasion, while McFarland has a far dodgier history with his entrepreneurial endeavours. Magnises, McFarland and Rule’s service which provides ‘Black Card’ opportunities such as exclusive tickets, private parties and more to high paying millennials, has been plagued with complaints since day one.

It seems that Fyre Fest isn’t the pair’s first endeavour which preys upon young people’s desire for exclusivity and access.

While it’s great fun to laugh at Ja Rule every now and then, try to exercise caution with these names in future.

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May 3, 2017