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Leaked Trump docs accuse Billie Eilish of “destroying our country and everything we care about”

The Trump administration has labelled the 18-year-old, green-haired superstar Billie Eilish a threat to the sanctity of America.

US President Donald Trump, admired by world dictators and extremist religious groups alike, is seemingly concerned by a less likely presence when it comes to the erosion of American society: Billie Eilish.

In recently leaked documents – which reveal that Trump’s office considered using Eilish for a publicity campaign – the president’s administration described the singer as “destroying our country and everything we care about”. 

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The admission comes as part of a larger matter in which the administration seemingly wanted to use $250 million of taxpayer money (intended for a coronavirus awareness campaign) for publicity designed to help Trump get re-elected.

The allegations, which amount to a pretty serious scandal, came after Politico revealed that the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) contacted several communications firms in regards to a $250 million contract. Apparently, the HHS, who is supposed to be independent, has recently been under heightened scrutiny around their partisan leanings.

One former senior Obama HHS official described the move as “quite a stretch beyond what HHS traditionally does”. 

Following this, documents on the matter were shared to the Washington Post by three Democratic congressional representatives, revealing that HHS Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs, Michael Caputo, was seemingly in charge of the initiative. Allegedly, Caputo had proposed the angle of the coronavirus awareness campaign be “Helping the President will Help the Country.” 

Caputo, alongside other Trump appointees, then went on to consider more than 274 celebrities who could star as the campaign’s spokesperson. During this process, the majority of them were culled for obvious reasons.

Christina Aguilera was turned down due to being “an Obama-supporting Democrat and a gay rights supporting liberal”, with Justin Timberlake, Johnny Depp, and Maroon 5’s Adam Levine rejected for similar reasons. Meanwhile, The 40-Year-Old Virgin director Judd Apatow was booted (understandably) because he “believes Trump does not have the intellectual capacity to run as President”.

Elsewhere, Jennifer Lopez was vetoed because her recent Super Bowl performance (which included children in cages) was a statement against Trump’s immigration policies, whilst Jack Black was dubbed “a classic Hollywood liberal”. Yet the most colourful rejection was reserved for megastar and Gen Z icon, Billie Eilish, who was someone they categorically dubbed as “not a Trump supporter” and “destroying our country and everything we care about”.

All in all, the process left a modest ten celebrities who were deemed suitable for the job, a list which included Dr. Oz, Enrique Iglesias, and Billy Ray Cyrus. Whilst some of these contenders allegedly sat down for interviews, they have subsequently all withdrawn approval for their use.

The whole endeavour has now been stopped in its tracks, although it appears unlikely the Trump administration will face any consequences. Caputo is now on a leave of absence due to health reasons.