Clocked

How to name a gaming mouse in 6 easy steps

The conventions behind naming gaming mice are strange ones. After looking at the evolution of names over the years, we’re taking some time aside to let you know how to perfectly nail your next naming ceremony.

Gamers are a weird bunch. This is excessively documented, but perhaps the weirdest aspect is the insistence of peripheral developers to treat gamers as a single, homogenous whole. Whenever anything is marketed to the gaming world, it blitzes right past the nuanced nature of the audience it’s trying to serve, and instead lasers in on the hyper competitive, basement-dwelling stereotype.

Who else would buy The Lightforce xPower HyperBeam?

Gaming Mouse Body

Now, the Lightforce xPower HyperBeam is not a real mouse, but I wouldn’t have bat an eyelid if I’d been sent it to review. Helping you hook into the world that mouse marketers think we live in, we’ve broke down what makes a good mouse name, and how to make your own.

The first, minor step in the process is to source, engineer, and produce all the components necessary for the creation of a top-tier gaming mouse. This outta the way, you can get into the real business you’re here for. Naming your techno-son.

Aiding you in this process, we’ve dug deep into the names that are currently out there and have condensed our learning into six easy-to-follow steps.

1. Know your history

The first gaming mouse of all time was called the Razer Boomslang. It was released in ’99, firmly kicking off the industry trend of ridiculous names. From then on, all of Razer’s mice have been named after snakes. Why’s this? So that they can eat the competition. How will you ever know where you’re going, if you don’t know where you’ve come from?

Knowing your history allows you to perfectly tailor the name for your mouse. You’re going for the top spot. So what eats snakes? Mongeese.

Working name: The Mongoose

2. Don’t be afraid of stand-alone consonants

“What’s the x doing there?” is the wrong question to ask. You can chuck letters all around the glorious rodent you’ve created. Have the B40 xGamer Provedore XK if it feels right for you.

Provocation is your main goal here – poke the brain of your consumer base and opposition alike. If you can make them have an aneurysm by trying to work out what, in the fuck, your mouse is named after… that’s a win in my house.

Working Name: The xMongooseGG

3. Definitely don’t be afraid of random number configurations

The GG405 is not the 4 series, the 40 series, or the 405th model of mouse that your company has produced. What factor is represented by the 405? Who cares? Just don’t let your consumer base find out.

Are you deliberately sparking conversation for the sake of it, because, realistically, there just isn’t that much to talk about with mice? Maybe. But you’ll never tell.

Working Name: The xMongooseGG 42069 405

4. If it fits a spaceship engine, it’ll definitely fit your mouse

Your audience needs to know you’re selling them a mouse, but not just a mouse. They need to be aware that the device you are bestowing upon them is all things to all people. It is a weapon for the downtrodden, food for the hungry, and shelter for the weak. Your name must reflect all this, while also sounding like it’s from a 1990s vision of the future.

Be prepared for the Tech HyperDrive to hit the shelves next summer. The Flux Capacitor should already exist, and I’m disappointed it doesn’t.

Working Name: The xMongooseGG 405 NeutronPulse

5. Take this seriously. Uncomfortably seriously

Don’t you dare think of naming your new technical marvel a Deathtron 9000. This is work of the utmost importance, and the name must be fitting. Think more along the lines of the G409 Glassfibre Lightspeed PRO. You want to represent the cutting-edge nature of the technology you use, as well as the fact that your consumers are professionals.

Lives are at stake here, and you wouldn’t end a life, would you?

Working Name: xMongooseGG 405 NeutronPulse PRO

6. Don’t forget to name your company an appropriately hardcore name

Some mouse developers (Logitech, we’re looking at you) really dropped the ball when it came to naming the company. Razer? That’s aggressive, dangerous, and a little sexy. Without a product, that company would’ve gone multi-million from the name alone. When naming your mouse, bear this in mind.

You want to be thinking more along the lines of Techno. Acid. Knife, maybe? Overall it must reflect the badassery of the lucky few who shall wield your mighty pointer-clicker in virtual battle. Intimidation never hurts.

We went with naming our imaginary company Lucifers. You know, to let our rivals know that these mice are devilishly good.

Final Name: The Lucifers xMongooseGG 405 Neutron Pulse PRO. 

Ahhh. Chef’s kiss. Perfection.