The age-old Gallagher brothers’ feud. Will it ever end? Most of the time it seems like the answer is no. Other times it feels certain that the feud has become an elaborate and complex publicity stunt designed to hook us all in, destined to inevitably end in the band getting back together, showered with boundless ticket sales because of all the god damn hype.
Well, if you thought the feud would ever ease up, you’d imagine a global pandemic might do the trick. Unfortunately, it seems not even coronavirus can stop the Gallagher brothers.
It’s like the worst reality tv show. You hate it, and yet you can’t help be a slave to it. Now, not even coronavirus can stop the Gallagher brothers’ feud.
Even if some kind of reunion might not be on the cards – the middle-aged rockstar brothers faced with the reality of their own mortality (both nearing the high-risk bracket), brought together for an emotional reunion – you’d think they might just leave us the hell in peace. Apparently not.
The brothers have admitted that they’ve pretty much been at each other’s throats since Liam popped out of the womb back in 1972. Really, it’s an unfortunate struggle. Just an ordinary brotherly rivalry, magnified by the hyperbole of stardom. Or perhaps, it all comes down to one, single incident, as Liam suggested back in the 2016 Oasis documentary, Supersonic:
“One night I come in pissed and I couldn’t find the light switch so I pissed all over [Noel’s] new stereo. I think it basically boils down to that.”
In 1994, Noel first quit Oasis, following a gig at the Whisky a Go Go in LA on their first Amerian tour. It was a night that would become the stuff of legends, after the band accidentally took crystal meth instead of cocaine and played an infamous trainwreck of a set. Liam hit Noel with a tambourine and walked offstage mid-show, and Noel quit the tour the following day. However, after a brief sojourn in Las Vegas (relaxing, no doubt), he rejoined.
In 1995, an NME interview with the pair was released as bootleg single called Wibbling Rivalry, from a band inconspicuously named Oas•s. At one point in the interview, Noel tells Liam, “You think it’s rock & roll to get thrown off a ferry – and it’s not.”
Oasis reached the peak of their fame in 1996, with Wonderwall cracking the Billboard Hot 100. The band were due to give an MTV Unplugged performance when Liam pulled out because of alleged laryngitis. Noel took on lead singing duties and did the gig without him. Liam watched from a balcony, hurling abuse at his brother whilst chugging on beer and ciggies.
More fights, departures, and reunions occurred, including in 2000 when Noel again quit, only to again return. In a 2005 Spin interview, Noel revealed that he’d resorted to psychological tactics when dealing with his brother:
“I’ve kind of learnt that instead of arguing stuff out with him and ending up in a fight, I work on his psychology and he’s completely freaked out by me now,” he described. “I can read him and I can fucking play him like a slightly disused arcade game.”
It seems this fear dynamic wasn’t anything new. Apparently, Noel used to torment Liam (who is scared of the supernatural), moving around furniture and blaming it on ghosts. This paranoia was probably rife amongst the entire band. Apparently, they were all so high at the country studio where they recorded 1997’s Be Here Now, they thought the farm animals had cameras and recording gear.
Finally, in 2009, Noel quit for good. Apparently, during a fight between the pair (which echoes the fabled stereo incident), Liam smashed one of Noel’s guitars, and that was the final straw.
“People will write and say what they like, but I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer,” Noel described. “He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
Following the breakup, Liam infamously told LA weekly that “I’d rather eat my own shit than be in a band with him again.”
The same year that Noel quit Oasis, in an event that would forever taint the sanity of the entire world, Liam found his way onto Twitter. It was here that his enduring habit of tweeting about his brother began. From making fun of Nole’s new band, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, to simply tweeting “FUCK OASIS”, Liam has been busy ever since.
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) May 24, 2016
His Twitter escapades reached new levels in 2016 with the ushering in of the infamous potato era. The whole thing began when Liam tweeted a picture of his brother with the word “Potato.” And whilst there seemed to be absolutely no reason behind it, he continued tweeting about Noel being a potato for the next year.
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) May 24, 2016
In an interview with Q Magazine that year, Liam described: “Lots of people say I need to chill out about Noel. Not until they stop Twitter. That cunt will always get it from me.”
You heard him, Jack Dorsey. Not until they stop Twitter.
Then, in 2017, Liam infamously called Noel a “sad fuck” after he didn’t appear at the One Love Manchester benefit concert, following the terrorist attack on Ariana Grande’s Manchester Arena concert. Turns out Noel had already been donating his royalties to victims behind the scenes.
That same year, Noel’s album, Who Built the Moon? came out, and he and his band performed on Later… With Jools Holland. Infamously, one of the band members played the scissors (“she’s French and she’s eccentric”). Liam made the most of this by Tweeting a request for someone to bring a potato and a potato peeler to his next show.
Im looking for somebody to peel some spuds live on stage tnight at this gig in Bethnal Green must have own peeler as you were LG x
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) November 7, 2017
To his credit, it was pretty funny – and someone did, in fact, bring a potato and a peeler. Apparently someone also brought some scissors:
What about the Scissor Monkey? pic.twitter.com/tuzci9ARlQ
— Mainly Oasis (@MainlyOasis) November 8, 2017
More recently, this year Liam claimed that Noel turned down £100 million for an Oasis reunion tour, which Noel in turn denied.
And finally, bringing the feud into the COVID-19 era, Liam has recently been turning Oasis songs into coronavirus handwashing anthems: Champagne Soapernova, Wonderwash, etc.
Back by popular demand here’s champagne SOAPERNOVA thank you all for washing and I’ll see you down the road LG x pic.twitter.com/omk9Fr7OSk
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) March 21, 2020
Then on March 20, Liam called for an Oasis reunion with all proceeds going to charity.
Listen seriously a lot of people think I’m a cunt and I am a good looking cunt but once this is put to bed we need to get oasis back for a 1 of gig rite for charity c’mon Noel we can then go back to our amazing solo careers c’mon you know LG x
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) March 19, 2020
On March 25, he upped the ante to “DEMAND” an Oasis reunion:
Rite sick of pleading begging etc no more olive branches I DEMAND an oasis reunion after this is all over all money going to NHS c’mon you know As we were LG x
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) March 24, 2020
Original guitarist Paul ‘Bonehead’ Arthurs decided to also offer his two cents:
We really should get back together. What you saying @liamgallagher
— Paul Arthurs. (@BoneheadsPage) April 4, 2020
Then, a few days ago, Noel told British Vogue that he’d thought about doing the gig just to shut Liam up.
“I’ve often thought, ‘Lets just do a gig.’ But I realised I would only be doing it to shut this f***ing idiot up. The only other thing I could come up with was burning his house down or smashing his car in…but that’s not going to solve anything is it?”
Liam responded with this:
Shit me pants then for a second thought I could smell burning then I realised it was the toast burning c’mon you know LG x
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) April 4, 2020
Now, online betting company Coral are giving 1-3 odds that the band will reunite by the end of 2021. And here we are – suspended in a state of neverending uncertainty.
Will they? Won’t they? Can’t someone just give us the goddamn peace we deserve? But then again, where would we be without the ridiculous, twisted, and despicable entertainment that is the Gallagher brothers’ feud.
God, help us all.